The way we choose to talk to children about their bodies shapes how they see themselves, their health, intimacy, and safety. Yet when it comes to naming genitals, many parents still feel uncomfortable. Instead of using words like vulva, vagina, penis, or testicles, they often choose cute or made-up alternatives — “pee-pee,” “willy,” “privates,” or “down there.” While these might sound innocent, this habit can have serious consequences — both in childhood and later in life.
Together with Milda, a sex and intimacy mentor, sexology consultant, and co-founder of the education and pleasure platform Noriu dar, we explore why it’s important to use the correct terms from the very beginning — and how this simple choice supports a child’s safety, self-esteem, and ability to build open, healthy relationships in the future.
Why Using Anatomical Terms Matters
When teaching children about their bodies, one of the most important steps is using correct anatomical names. That doesn’t mean you have to sound scientific — just be clear: eyes, hands, legs, vulva, vagina, penis, testicles.
Just as we don’t invent nicknames for an elbow, we shouldn’t create alternative words for genitals. Real words bring clarity, remove secrecy, and teach children that every body part is equally important and worthy of respect. A child should understand that there are no “bad” or “shameful” parts of the body.
How Knowing Real Names Builds Confidence and Safety
Knowing the correct names for their body parts gives a child much more than vocabulary — it gives them understanding, ownership, and a sense of safety.
If something hurts, they can clearly say where. If someone touches them, they can accurately describe what happened.
When we use vague or babyish words like “kitty” or “down there,” even adults may struggle to understand what a child means.
Using real terms is actually a form of protection: a child who can name their body parts can describe an experience clearly, without confusion or shame. This ability is a crucial part of their personal safety.
When to Start Teaching the Real Names
From the very beginning. As soon as your child learns where their nose or ears are, you can also name their vulva or penis. There’s no reason to treat these parts as different or “too adult.”
If an adult feels uncomfortable hearing a toddler say “This is my vulva” or “This is my penis,” that discomfort isn’t about the child — it’s about the adult’s own inherited shame, shaped by upbringing and culture. Children learn what we model, not what we hide.
How to Explain It Simply to a Child
You don’t need complicated explanations. Clear, age-appropriate sentences are enough:
- “The vulva is the outside part of a girl’s genitals. It’s where you pee from.”
- “The vagina is inside — you can’t see it from the outside.”
- “The penis is a boy’s genital organ. That’s how boys pee."
- “The testicles are under the penis — when boys grow up, they make sperm there, which can help create babies.”
As children grow, you can gradually add more information about the labia, clitoris, menstruation, childbirth, and other body functions — always at a pace that matches their curiosity and questions.
The Hidden Cost of Silence and Shame
Many adults were taught from childhood that talking about the body is embarrassing or wrong.
Later, this can show up as shame when describing symptoms to a doctor, discomfort when talking to a partner about needs, or hesitation to ask for what feels good — or to say what doesn’t.
Women often feel embarrassed about their vulvas, avoid being naked, or can’t even say the words vulva or vagina. Men also stay silent about erection or fertility issues because “those things aren’t discussed.” Over time, this silence becomes a barrier to healthy, joyful intimacy.
How Shame Shapes Our Relationship with Our Bodies
When a child grows up surrounded by shame, their body begins to feel like something foreign or “wrong.” During intimacy, they may think more about how they look or what their partner might think than about what they actually feel. It becomes difficult to speak up, to ask, to say no, or to say yes. Sexuality turns into an obligation instead of a source of pleasure.
Silence, shame, and fear replace openness, trust, and connection. But healthy relationships start with confidence — in our own bodies and in our ability to speak honestly.
In Summary
Teaching children the correct names for their body parts from an early age helps them understand their bodies and lays the foundation for self-respect, safety, openness, and healthy relationships with themselves and others. This isn’t about being “too early” or “too bold.” It’s about respect, clarity, and trust.
The sooner we let go of shame-based or “cute but confusing” words, the more room we create for a healthy, confident, and joyful culture of intimacy.
Empower children with knowledge, honesty, and respect — that’s where body confidence begins.
